This week blog is meant to open myself and let you all in on some of the pain and struggles I have faced recently. By doing so I hope to heal a little more and maybe offer anyone having similar difficulty, the opportunity to know that they aren’t alone and that we will get through this rough spot together!
I try to take things one day at a time and it can be hard. I often think of the positive and try to find the bright side, and some days I don’t. I allow myself to feel how I feel without judgement or trying to change it.
The last several months have not been easy for me. I have had a lot of stressors that have caused sleepless nights, bouts of crying uncontrollably, as well as physical and emotional pain.
Over the last 8 months, I opened a business, trained for Ironman 70.3, took care of my dad and stepmom who were both dying of cancer, lost my stepmom last November & then my dad in July, lost my voice for several months late summer/early fall making it difficult for me to do my job (in fact I will most likely need surgery on my vocal chords), got a very bad eye infection which I can’t seem to shake, asthma attacks, heel spurs and plantar fascitis preventing me from being able to run (I had to miss out on the Marine Corp Marathon last weekend) … the list goes on and on. I have been feeling sad and depressed. I have had difficulty getting up, and wondered why things were feeling so bad.
As a result, I started questioning God, asking- Why me? When will this get better? When will I start to heal? When can I start to move on, get stronger, talk and teach more, go back to running, and overall when will I start to feel more like myself again? When will all this pain go away? Because what is happening to me right now is not me. I am not this sad, depressed, whoa is me kind of person, and all I want is to feel more like myself again.
As I continued to think more about my misfortunes over the last several months, it hit me that I have dealt with difficult situations before and made it through. The truth is, pain is a part of life. If you do not feel pain, you are not truly living. The feeling of pain is complex and confusing and can make living day to day life hard. It can consume your thoughts, and takes away the joy that you want to feel and replaces it with feelings like anger, sadness, and regret. But I believe that pain is something to help make you stronger. In order to do that, you have to accept it as being part of your journey, and use it to your advantage.
At every stage in life, just before something big and good comes, I have faced challenges that one would think there is no way out, feeling as if it’s the end of the world. Those things in my past that seemed impossible, I’ve gotten through and as a result am where I am today.
These moments, these struggles, are all phases in life, as we climb up the ladder, the weight seems to be pressing down upon us, every step takes a harder toll, but it will all pass because we grow through struggle. I try to remind myself how boring success would be if you knew you were going to succeed automatically or if it was just handed to you. The days that break us, are the days that make us. Life is about balance, you have to take the good with the bad. Even when we don’t understand the bad, we need to trust that the Universe has a plan for each and every one of us and we will eventually begin to see & understand that plan as it unfolds.
I truly believe that the Universe will guide you to exactly where you are meant to be. Without my faith and trust in this idea, I would have never moved back to NJ and opened up my yoga studio.
So when you feel down, and when it feels like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, just take a deep breath and know, its just a phase and it will pass.
Remember to keep trying, giving your best, persevere, and take it one day at a time… nothing good comes easy.